Alright, this is a bit of a quick update really. It's late, I'm not 100% healthy, and there's shit I've got to talk about.
I've not really talked much about my personal/private life on this blog, and instead used it to canvas my opinions on various subjects and public matters. I know that's kind of against the spirit of a weblog, but I feel that the time has come to change that. The time has come for me to address a personal matter.
For a two year period I was in a relationship with a Canadian girl. This period started in January 2008 ended in November 2010. Me and the girl in question had been friends since late 2007. Now, you're probably noticing a lot of past tense in here, simply because I no longer consider this girl a friend. I no longer consider her a person, to be honest. I consider her a vile, two faced, hate filled shit bag.
She said she loved me, and I said I loved her, and we said this many a time. So when we broke up imagine my shock to see her calling me everything under the sun on her blog- asshole and bastard are the two words that suddenly spring to mind. She then decides to send me an email in which she was being as nice as you can imagine, kindly asking me to send her some stuff from this country- namely wine gums and condoms. So she's bascially called me everything you can imagine, but when she wants me to send her stuff so she can go fuck her new boyfriend (who she hasn't even met yet. I'm just sayin') safely, it kinda pisses me off.
She blames me for everything. She blames me for her being fucked up, she blames me for her not being able to get over her issues, she blames me for her life being a mess. She blames me for not taking her away from her shitty little life so that she can sit at home and let me work my bollocks off just so that she can eat every day. She was supposed to move over here and live with me, but that never happened because of her own laziness. For us to have been able to live somewhere we both would have needed to work. She started to look for a job, and her ex-step mother/friend of the family found a website for her where she could apply for nursing jobs here in the UK. That was all she done, especially when the applications she was recieving were for agencies that couldn't promise permanent work. She gave up. Instead, she spent her time looking for places to live that we couldn't afford. To sum up, she was more concerned about trying to find somewhere to live instead of finding work to afford the place to live.
She's talking about how she has a great job for a week, working in an office somewhere. Here's the kicker- she would never have got that if it weren't for the fact that her dad works in the same office. She has no qualifications, she has no desire to improve herself, and she has no drive. Hell, she couldn't even walk ten minutes down the street without needing to stop and rest. If it wasn't for her daddy, she'd still be jobless and penniless. And you know what? I think she'd be okay with that, just as long as she didn't have to go anywhere or do anything.
Now, where do I stand in all this? To be honest, I don't give two shits what she does. What does bother me is that she's talking all this crap about me. She's making me out to be the spawn of Satan, and she's made her family think the same thing about me. The only thing that's stopping me from flying over to Canada and beating some respect into her is that she's not worth it. I'm not going to spend the time, money and effort to try and change her mind because her opinion doesn't matter, to be honest. Why would I care what some small minded, stuck up, pathetic individual thinks about me when they can't even take their own life into their own hands? This person relies on their family to get them along in life, and while there's nothing wrong with family helping you out, when you start getting them to do everything for you, that's when you stop being a person and become a sponge. Oh, and did I mention that she stole money from me? Yep, she used my PayPal account to pay for goods and services without my knowledge. Again, the only thing stopping me from going to the police is that I really can't be bothered. I don't want to drag her into my life.
End of the day, I'm a good person. I fight for truth and justice, I don't take advantage of people and I'm not evil and corrupted. I would never blame others for something that is completely and utterly my fault. I wouldn't dare to do that. We all need to stand up and take blame for our own actions, regardless of if we want to or not. This girl also asked me to post back some of the stuff she'd left here in the afore mentioned email, and let me tell ya, she's got no chance in hell of me doing that. I am not going to spend another penny on her, especially not after what she's said about me. She needs to realise that you can't treat people like crap and get what you want.
She said she hates me. That's fine. I don't expect to be liked by every person I meet. But she needs to realise that hate leads to anger, and anger leads to destruction. So if I see her again, I'll destroy her. And I know that she'd read this and think that I wouldn't, but the fact of the matter is that hate doesn't do justice to what I now feel for her. Contempt is close. I don't think there is a word that accurately describes my feelings towards her now. I've moved on from her, I've got a new girl in my life, and she loves me as I am- she doesn't try to get me to shave my body hair, or to not gel my hair, and she doesn't mind that I have friends other than her. I realise that I made the wrong decision with Little Miss Canadian- I thought I was dating a woman, but in fact, I was dating a girl. A pompus, arrogant, thieving, despot of a girl. A girl who let fear rule her life. A girl who would readily blame others for her own shortcomings. A girl who would lash out when things didn't go her way.
So, Canadian Girl can talk all the crap she wants about me, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm better than her, as I speak the truth. I don't make up stories to make myself out to be the victim. I ended it with her because I was sick and tired of her shit. I was fed up with the fact that she thought I was fucking every female friend I've got. I was fed up with her not wanting me to go out with my friends because she doesn't have any friends of her own. I was sick and goddamn tired of her making me out to be a monster, when I was trying my hardest to make her realise how the world works. It got to the point where her jealousy and paranoia pushed me away, and there's no way she can blame me for that, even though she's justified to herself that I'm actually to blame for it. I can't be blamed for her not wanting to get help. Sure, she got help after we broke up, but that was too little, too late. She said that she didn't tell me the full extent of her problems because she didn't think I could cope with it. Truth is, by her not telling me the full extent of her problems it meant that I was less prepared and equipped to deal with them when the shit hit the fan. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.
And I forgot to mention those problems. She was paranoid, and decided to look through my files on my laptop, and delete some stuff, and add some stuff, and do god knows what else. All without my prior knowledge or even acknowledging it to me afterwards. She did not trust me, apparently, and it got me thinking what else she'd be doing behind my back. Was she reading my emails? Was she reading my text messages? For all I know she could have sent some text messages from my phone to my friends and I would have been none-the-wiser. The phone I was using at the time didn't keep a record of sent messages (opposed to the one I'm using now- hooray for smart phones!). She could have said anything to anyone. That's not good.
So, blog, that was a summary of what I'm thinking right now. I do believe that this is the longest post I've made to date, and with good reason. You can't sum up something like this in three or four sentences, although I openly admit that would depend on the length of the sentence.
So, until next time, blog, where the subject matter should hopefully be a lot brighter, happier and downright less emo.
