I'm no stranger to controversy, or to even taking the path of highest resistance just to annoy people, but what I'm about to say is not an attempt to troll anyone.
I actually hate Adele.
I'm going to type that again just so that people can realise that it isn't a typing error.
I actually hate Adele. Seriously. I hate her songs, I hate her music, I hate the fact that she's shoved down our throats every hour of every day and I hate the fact that people think she's the biggest and best thing to happen in the music world.
Adele's songs are so uninspired it isn't funny. Yes, she comes up with some nice lyrics, but it's not exactly "Give peace a chance" is it? I'm not saying that all songs need to have some kind of deep, philosophical meaning, but it's the fact that her songs don't seem to have a message at all. The song that gets played the most is "Someone Like You" (I think that's what it's called, I couldn't be bothered to go check) and it's the most depressing, dreary, non-rhythmic pile of crap I've heard in a long time. Not since Phil Collins unleashed his brand of crap-pop on the world that people lapped up have I felt this embarrassed to be part of the human race. Adele has conned everyone into thinking that she's a fantastic musician. She's not.
She has a nice voice, but that's about it. Her voice is not the kind of voice that I would hear playing in a record store and it would make me stop everything I was doing to find a member of staff to find out who it is. Her voice isn't outstanding. She's no Bob Dylan, let's put it that way.
I know people are going to say that I'm just jealous, and this is all sour grapes. I'm sure there's a little of that, but I dare anyone to look at someone successful and not feel even a slightly bit envious of them. There's probably going to be people who would say that I don't like songs with a sad message. This isn't true- I'm a fan of Gotye's "Someone I Used to Know", for a start. That song's got a depressing undertone, but it's been made in such a quirky and offbeat way that it's fun to listen to. Adele's "Someone Like You" is just her sitting at a piano hitting random chords attempting to get everyone else upset. Gotye took a song with a similar undertone but actually attempted to make it a bit fun. When was the last time you heard a chart topping song make a prominent use of a xylophone?
At the end of June Adele announced that she was pregnant- this means that, all being well, she should stay out of the recording studio for a while as she attends to the baby. Chances are that she'll just hire a nanny and go back to how she was, but hopefully, her bringing a new life into the world should lift her spirits a bit. Hey, she may even make a song that you can listen to without wanting to slit your wrists afterwards.
I really hope that she doesn't lose the baby, firstly because I wouldn't wish that on anyone; secondly, if she does, it'll probably make her songs even more upsetting than they were, if that's at all possible. And no doubt every single person in the world will say something along the lines of "You can hear the pain in her voice" or "She's showing her human side" or some bullcrap like that.
To be honest, her songs are probably all "daddy didn't love me" issues. In my brief research, I found out that her dad left the family home when Adele was three. Maybe he had a vision of the future in a dream and thought to himself "Fuck that, I'm not getting involved!" and thus ran. Therefore, we can realistically come to the conclusion that Adele's music is a cry out for being upset about her daddy leaving her when she was young.
Someone on Twitter said they's love for Adele and Eminem to have a relationship, just to hear the break up albums. Adele's would be wallowing in self pity, and Eminem's would just be a massive "Fuck you" to Adele. When us "normal" people have some bad news or go through a break up, we don't force our sadness onto others. What makes Adele any different? Because she was in the right place at the right time to break into the music business why does that allow her to act any differently to the rest of us? I do give her credit for not taking the TV talent show route, but I get the impression she didn't do that because the producers of the show(s) decided she wasn't marketable enough, wanted to perform her own songs and, frankly, wasn't what they were looking for. No-one wins TV talent shows by being downbeat and trodden, they win them by being happy(ish) and energetic.
So, long story short- Adele bad, anyone with even the slightest hint of positive emotion good.
This has been for your consideration.
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